Breathe

My burps taste like Chipotle, Bacardi and the souls of my enemies

sophiealdred:

astoldbygengar:

lets just be clear, if you spend the time baking a cake/cookies/brownies, you can eat as many of them as you want and the calories don’t count. you made those calories. you’re their god.

disclaimer: this does not apply to children you have made

(Source: mayadevilou, via heart)

officialunitedstates:

bombing:

the 1700s called……they want their clothing back. haha just kidding the first telephone was invented in 1876

a good post AND i learned something.  thanks tumbrl

(via heart)

funeralhome420:

i hate that i literally cant tell if im ugly or not and i cant tell if im really fat or just like kinda fat i literally cant tell and sometimes ill be like “im just being dumb im pretty good looking” and then ill be like “wow im being so egotistical i definitely look like shit what am i talking about” like i just…. dont know and it bothers me so much cos it’s something i can’t understand 

(via asian)